July was a very quiet month for visits to our website. Something like 50-some visits. Most have been US visitors, although we picked up visitors from Brazil and Morocco this month. None of the visits have generated phone calls or emails yet.
We received our stats from IAC for July the other day. We had 14 letters (up from 7 in June) sent out to potential birth mothers as part of packets of letters that were sent out. Mike figured out that there were 20 packets sent out in July where we met the requirements of the birth mother (out of 35 total packets). So 14 out of 20 times, she saw our letter, which is almost 3/4 of the packets (up from 1/3 in June). We didn't have any online requests for our letter in July.
Please please please keep sharing the link to our website with friends and relatives! You never know who might have a friend or co-worker interested in adoption. The website is www.iheartadoption.org/users/chrisandmike
Oh....we also had 1 call on our baby bat phone, the cell phone that is specifically designated for birth mother phone calls. But the caller didn't leave a message. Oh well!
Thanks for all your support, thoughts and prayers!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
July Update
Things have been pretty quiet on the adoption front. We have had a couple hundred visitors to our website and some have returned at least once. Most have been US visitors, although we had 1 visitor from Canada and one from Italy. None of the visits have generated phone calls or emails yet.
We received our stats from IAC for June the other day. We had 7 letters sent out to potential birth mothers as part of packets of letters that were sent out. Mike figured out that there were 24 packets sent out in June where we met the requirements of the birth mother (out of 34 total packets). So 7 out of 24 times, she saw our letter, which is just over 1/3 of the packets. We also had 2 online requests for our letter in June.
Please keep sharing the link to our website with friends and relatives. You never know who might have a friend or co-worker interested in adoption. The website is www.iheartadoption.org/users/chrisandmike
Oh....we also had 2 calls on our baby bat phone, the cell phone that is specifically designated for birth mother phone calls. Both were telemarketers! Oh well!
Thanks for all your support, thoughts and prayers! They are greatly appreciated! :)
We received our stats from IAC for June the other day. We had 7 letters sent out to potential birth mothers as part of packets of letters that were sent out. Mike figured out that there were 24 packets sent out in June where we met the requirements of the birth mother (out of 34 total packets). So 7 out of 24 times, she saw our letter, which is just over 1/3 of the packets. We also had 2 online requests for our letter in June.
Please keep sharing the link to our website with friends and relatives. You never know who might have a friend or co-worker interested in adoption. The website is www.iheartadoption.org/users/chrisandmike
Oh....we also had 2 calls on our baby bat phone, the cell phone that is specifically designated for birth mother phone calls. Both were telemarketers! Oh well!
Thanks for all your support, thoughts and prayers! They are greatly appreciated! :)
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
We are "in the book"!!!
Our adoption agency has approved everything and our website with them went live today. Please share the link with all your contacts! You never know who might have a friend, coworker, or customer who knows someone looking to have a baby adopted! Thanks!
http://www.iheartadoption.org/user/690
http://www.iheartadoption.org/user/690
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Everything is submitted!
We sent off a packet with our completed homestudy today! The proof of our birthparent letter is done and awaiting final approval. The next step is for IAC to review our complete packet of information and decide if we are approved or not. Once we address any concerns they raise, we'll print our birthparent letter. As soon as they have copies of our letter on file, we'll be listed as an adoptive resource! Getting closer! :)
Monday, April 19, 2010
April update
Just wanted to give everyone an update on where we are in the process. We had our second meeting with the social worker writing our home study last week. She had to visit the house and clarify some of the information we had given her. By the end of last week she had sent us a draft home study, we made some adjustments and returned it to her. The only thing she's waiting on is an FBI report to be able to finish the home study. Then it can be sent off to IAC for our file.
Dee is working on our birthparent letter. We finally got a picture approved for the front cover!! It's the one heading this blog. She has to finish some of the layout and that will be ready to be sent to IAC for approval. Then we can get the whole thing printed (250 copies, please), and mail 100 of them off to IAC. Once that's done and the home study is in, we can be officially "listed" in their books and our website will be active.
We have had a couple folks ask for our letter already. They know people who know women who might be pregnant. Make sense? Once our website is up, we'll be reaching out to as many people as we can in our network, looking for referrals. That's how many of the matches are made. The mother knows someone who knows the couple trying to adopt. She connects with us, then we refer her to IAC to work with a social worker that works specifically with birth mothers. We are definitely excited about the fact that friends want copies of our letter already! We just have a few more hoops to get through before we can hand them out and start down that path.
Thank you everyone for your help, support and prayers! We really appreciate them!
Dee is working on our birthparent letter. We finally got a picture approved for the front cover!! It's the one heading this blog. She has to finish some of the layout and that will be ready to be sent to IAC for approval. Then we can get the whole thing printed (250 copies, please), and mail 100 of them off to IAC. Once that's done and the home study is in, we can be officially "listed" in their books and our website will be active.
We have had a couple folks ask for our letter already. They know people who know women who might be pregnant. Make sense? Once our website is up, we'll be reaching out to as many people as we can in our network, looking for referrals. That's how many of the matches are made. The mother knows someone who knows the couple trying to adopt. She connects with us, then we refer her to IAC to work with a social worker that works specifically with birth mothers. We are definitely excited about the fact that friends want copies of our letter already! We just have a few more hoops to get through before we can hand them out and start down that path.
Thank you everyone for your help, support and prayers! We really appreciate them!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Why Open Adoption?
Here is our reading list from IAC:
1. Children of Open Adoption by Kathleen Silber and Patricia Martinez Dorner. This is required reading and talks about open adoption through the adoptee's lifetime.
2. The Kid by Dan Savage. We actually already had this book and re-read it when we got home. It's a great account of their journey through adoption.
3. Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother by Jana Wolff. This book was required if we were open to adopting a child of a different race/culture. We are.
4. Because I Loved You by Patricia Dischler. A birth mother's account of adoption and later meeting her birth son. Really good book!
5. Dear Birthmother by Kathleen Silber and Phylis Speedlin. This book looks at the myths surrounding adoption and refutes traditional thoughts about it.
A few folks have asked about open adoption. Probably the best way we know how to explain the advantages of an adoption being "open" are to look at the myths from book #5.
1. "The birthmother obviously doesn't care about her child or she wouldn't have given him away." This was supposed to make it so much easier for the adoptive family to think that the birth parents were somehow losers. In reality it takes great courage to evaluate the circumstances and make a choice in the baby's best interests. She's putting the baby's future ahead of her own desire to raise a child. Know that the birth family will always be a part of our family and will be included in as much as possible, given their desires and geographic closeness to us.
2. "Secrecy in every phase of the adoption process is necessary to protect all parties." This was supposed to protect the birth family by allowing them to move on, the adoptive family to somehow assure them that the birth family would never show up to take the child back, and the adoptee to somehow think they were the "real" child of the adoptive family. In reality, secrets in adoption are as destructive as any other secrets. Instead, the open adoption gives everyone full contact information. Birth families are able to follow the adoptive family's life, the adoptive family can give honest and open answers when the child begins to ask questions about the adoption, and the child is able to know their family and history.
3. "Both the birthmother and birthfather will forget about their unwanted child." This made it easier for the adoption facilitator and the family and friends of the birth mother, but no one else. In reality, the birth family needs to acknowledge their loss and grieve. Adoption facilitators need to provide counseling and support after the adoption for the birth family. And knowing the child's "happy ending" is therapeutic for everyone!
4. "If the adoptee really loved his adoptive family, he would not have to search for his birthparents." The desire of the adoptee to know where they came from (and even the circumstances behind the adoption) doesn't mean that they love their adoptive parents any less. Like anyone else, they want to know their history, their place in the world. Their family tree didn't suddenly start with the adoption. And they aren't looking to replace their adoptive family. They just want to know. Our child will have our total love and support in anything they do, including connecting with their "roots".
As adoptive parents in an open adoption, we will always make sure the adoption is celebrated and help our child realize how treasured they are. We will know answers to the questions that adoptees ask about where they came from. And our family will grow to include the baby, but the birth family as well.
1. Children of Open Adoption by Kathleen Silber and Patricia Martinez Dorner. This is required reading and talks about open adoption through the adoptee's lifetime.
2. The Kid by Dan Savage. We actually already had this book and re-read it when we got home. It's a great account of their journey through adoption.
3. Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother by Jana Wolff. This book was required if we were open to adopting a child of a different race/culture. We are.
4. Because I Loved You by Patricia Dischler. A birth mother's account of adoption and later meeting her birth son. Really good book!
5. Dear Birthmother by Kathleen Silber and Phylis Speedlin. This book looks at the myths surrounding adoption and refutes traditional thoughts about it.
A few folks have asked about open adoption. Probably the best way we know how to explain the advantages of an adoption being "open" are to look at the myths from book #5.
1. "The birthmother obviously doesn't care about her child or she wouldn't have given him away." This was supposed to make it so much easier for the adoptive family to think that the birth parents were somehow losers. In reality it takes great courage to evaluate the circumstances and make a choice in the baby's best interests. She's putting the baby's future ahead of her own desire to raise a child. Know that the birth family will always be a part of our family and will be included in as much as possible, given their desires and geographic closeness to us.
2. "Secrecy in every phase of the adoption process is necessary to protect all parties." This was supposed to protect the birth family by allowing them to move on, the adoptive family to somehow assure them that the birth family would never show up to take the child back, and the adoptee to somehow think they were the "real" child of the adoptive family. In reality, secrets in adoption are as destructive as any other secrets. Instead, the open adoption gives everyone full contact information. Birth families are able to follow the adoptive family's life, the adoptive family can give honest and open answers when the child begins to ask questions about the adoption, and the child is able to know their family and history.
3. "Both the birthmother and birthfather will forget about their unwanted child." This made it easier for the adoption facilitator and the family and friends of the birth mother, but no one else. In reality, the birth family needs to acknowledge their loss and grieve. Adoption facilitators need to provide counseling and support after the adoption for the birth family. And knowing the child's "happy ending" is therapeutic for everyone!
4. "If the adoptee really loved his adoptive family, he would not have to search for his birthparents." The desire of the adoptee to know where they came from (and even the circumstances behind the adoption) doesn't mean that they love their adoptive parents any less. Like anyone else, they want to know their history, their place in the world. Their family tree didn't suddenly start with the adoption. And they aren't looking to replace their adoptive family. They just want to know. Our child will have our total love and support in anything they do, including connecting with their "roots".
As adoptive parents in an open adoption, we will always make sure the adoption is celebrated and help our child realize how treasured they are. We will know answers to the questions that adoptees ask about where they came from. And our family will grow to include the baby, but the birth family as well.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Post-workshop Update 3/2/10
The weekend intensive workshop was great! There were 5 couples there, including us, and one single. Two were from Ohio, one from Maryland, one from Connecticut, one from New York and us. We were the only ones with foster experience and were the only ones who had tried to adopt before. We were given several books to read as well as a ton of information in our notebook. We had a few forms to fill out that we took care of while we were there, as well as handing over our first payment. And they sent us home with a "to-do" list, including:
1. Read 2 of the books we were given.
2. Complete a cultural assessment questionaire.
3. Work on the text for our Dear Birthmother letter. We emailed them a draft of 80% of the content before we left. We're waiting to hear their feedback. They say most letters go through 6 re-writes before they are accepted.
4. Gather pictures for our Dear Birthmother letter. We had gathered several that we could potentialy use in our letter. We have to have one taken for the cover that has some specific requirements. It should be taken outdoors with no shadows or squinting, we should look like we like each other (be close), it should look like we are within arms reach of the camera (mostly a head/shoulders shot), we should coordinate the color of our clothes (and tie that to the colors we use in the letter when it is designed), and there shouldn't be anything distracting in the background.
5. By the time we get those things done, they should have a template out for the letter and for our adoption website at www.iheartadoption.org. Previously prospective adoptive parents had to use professional designers to put together their letter, which is really more of a 4 page pamphlet or brochure.
6. When we are done and the leter is approved, we have to have 250 printed and send about 100 to IAC. They give them to birth mothers that have requested information. She can request all of the letters (about 250 prospective adoptive families), but they try to get her to narrow the field by specifying letters a specific geographical area, religious preference, straight/gay/lesbian preference, etc. She can also do her own searching on the website and request information on only a few that way.
7. We have to have our home study updated, since it is 2 years old now. That means new employment verifications, fingerprints for background checks, child abuse registery checks, physicals, financial information, and a multi-page demographic/background questionaire. And 6 reference letters, 2 from relatives and 4 from friends. Oh joy! When all of that is done, our local adoption agency will write up the home study and submit it to IAC.
8. Once the homestudy, the Dear Birthmother letter, and the website are done, we will be officially "listed" with IAC and birthmothers can find us. Then the waiting begins. They say it takes 6-18 months to be selected by a birth mother. She can be anywhere from 5 months along to ready to hatch. She can be anywhere in the US. If she is in a state with an IAC office (Indiana, California, Texas, Georgia, or North Carolina), they will handle all the local adoption stuff. If she's anywhere else, we'll have a third (local) adoption agency that we'll have to work through to handle the birth state paperwork. Oh...and we can't adopt from Flordia, Mississippi, Arkansas, or Utah. It's against the law for gays to adopt there. And IAC doesn't work with Kentucky birth mothers because Kentucky has some really strange, time-consuming rules about adoption that make it too difficult.
Even with all these things that need to happen, we are hopeful that we can be "listed" with IAC within a month or so. Looking at the whole process, from signing up to finalization of the adoption, it is very clear that many things need to happen that are totally out of our control! So we put the whole process in God's hands and trust that we will be successful.
1. Read 2 of the books we were given.
2. Complete a cultural assessment questionaire.
3. Work on the text for our Dear Birthmother letter. We emailed them a draft of 80% of the content before we left. We're waiting to hear their feedback. They say most letters go through 6 re-writes before they are accepted.
4. Gather pictures for our Dear Birthmother letter. We had gathered several that we could potentialy use in our letter. We have to have one taken for the cover that has some specific requirements. It should be taken outdoors with no shadows or squinting, we should look like we like each other (be close), it should look like we are within arms reach of the camera (mostly a head/shoulders shot), we should coordinate the color of our clothes (and tie that to the colors we use in the letter when it is designed), and there shouldn't be anything distracting in the background.
5. By the time we get those things done, they should have a template out for the letter and for our adoption website at www.iheartadoption.org. Previously prospective adoptive parents had to use professional designers to put together their letter, which is really more of a 4 page pamphlet or brochure.
6. When we are done and the leter is approved, we have to have 250 printed and send about 100 to IAC. They give them to birth mothers that have requested information. She can request all of the letters (about 250 prospective adoptive families), but they try to get her to narrow the field by specifying letters a specific geographical area, religious preference, straight/gay/lesbian preference, etc. She can also do her own searching on the website and request information on only a few that way.
7. We have to have our home study updated, since it is 2 years old now. That means new employment verifications, fingerprints for background checks, child abuse registery checks, physicals, financial information, and a multi-page demographic/background questionaire. And 6 reference letters, 2 from relatives and 4 from friends. Oh joy! When all of that is done, our local adoption agency will write up the home study and submit it to IAC.
8. Once the homestudy, the Dear Birthmother letter, and the website are done, we will be officially "listed" with IAC and birthmothers can find us. Then the waiting begins. They say it takes 6-18 months to be selected by a birth mother. She can be anywhere from 5 months along to ready to hatch. She can be anywhere in the US. If she is in a state with an IAC office (Indiana, California, Texas, Georgia, or North Carolina), they will handle all the local adoption stuff. If she's anywhere else, we'll have a third (local) adoption agency that we'll have to work through to handle the birth state paperwork. Oh...and we can't adopt from Flordia, Mississippi, Arkansas, or Utah. It's against the law for gays to adopt there. And IAC doesn't work with Kentucky birth mothers because Kentucky has some really strange, time-consuming rules about adoption that make it too difficult.
Even with all these things that need to happen, we are hopeful that we can be "listed" with IAC within a month or so. Looking at the whole process, from signing up to finalization of the adoption, it is very clear that many things need to happen that are totally out of our control! So we put the whole process in God's hands and trust that we will be successful.
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